rafath: foreplay in the Quran.

This is a continuation of cliteracy in islam, and here, and in subsequent posts, InshaAllah, the aim is to try to classically understand the words that have been translated to sex either directly or indirectly in the Quran. Hopefully, in doing so, we are able to see how Cliteracy is a part and parcel of sex in Islam.

We will start this exercise by taking a look at Q2 V187, where five different words were used to refer to sex. If they weren’t meant to convey different meanings, Allah would have used the same word five times, but just so the verse is clear, Gẹ precisely chose to use those words. Interestingly, Allah ends the verse by saying that Gẹ makes Gẹs verses ‘clear’ so that we can attain piety.

The words in order of appearance are rafath, libas, bashir, tubashir, and taqrabu. And as we will see, the order is important too. Q2 V187 provides thus:

“It has been made permissible for you the night preceding fasting to go to (rafath) your wives [for sexual relations]. They are clothing (libas) for you and you are clothing (libas) for them. Allah knows that you used to deceive yourselves, so He accepted your repentance and forgave you. So now, have relations (bashir) with them and seek that which Allah has decreed for you. And eat and drink until the white thread of dawn becomes distinct to you from the black thread [of night]. Then complete the fast until the sunset. And do not have relations (tubashir) with them as long as you are staying for worship in the mosques. These are the limits [set by] Allah, so do not approach (taqrabu) them. Thus does Allah make clear His ordinances to the people that they may become righteous.”

I think Allah, here, is using Ramadan, being the training camp that it is, to teach every Muslim couple the ideal progression of sex, and what it entails, and hopefully, when I’m done with this exercise, it will be an enlightening one.

Amidst the virtues and values Allah wants us to take away from Ramadan is how to have sex the proper way; if not, it will not be so woven with the verses of Ramadan, and deliberated upon at such length. I mean, if the reason we are created is to worship Allah, and sex is the precursor to getting more people on earth to worship Allah, it only makes sense that sex, the proper way of attempting it, is looked into.

The least acknowledgement we can pay to these verses of the Quran is not to ignore them, but to try to understand the words Allah used to communicate these ideas to us.

The first word we will be trying to understand is Rafath. It appeared only twice in the Quran, first, here in Q2 V187, and subsequently, in Q2 V197, exactly ten verses after. The root alphabets of the word are ra, fa and tha.

And despite the popular understanding of this word to mean sex; it is classically said to be the saying plainly of what should be indicated allusively, with respect to coition. Dirty talks, enticing conversation, or any other act or speech that is meant to in a way, prep the other in a coitus and amatory way. Basically, talks and actions that alludes to sex.

And so rafath actually means to utter or act in a way that would have otherwise been regarded as foul, unseemly, immodest, lewd, obscene, indecent in and around sex, and in expectation of sex. This can be in form of words or actions. Whether by the tongue (words), eyes (giving sexual signals), hands (making sexual gestures), lips (moving it in a suggestive way), the entire body (contorting it in a way that suggests coitus, or to dance or move in such a manner), and every other gesture or words that though doesn’t involve the act of sex itself, is enough to make one or both of the parties engorged or tumescent.

The next words that we will be discussing in this verse are libas, bashir, tubashir – which is a variant of bashir – and eventually taqrabu; and as much as I am inclined towards discussing libas and bashir now, I think discussing taqrabu now will shed light on not just this verse, but a host of other verses in the Quran.

You see, having discussed taqrabu in details here at length, wherein I looked into what Qarib (taqrabu) means and entails, which I will highly recommend you read now, or after finishing this piece. I won’t be going in-depth into qarib here as I did there so as not to make this piece super cumbersome and lengthy. It is important to note that Allah ended this verse by referring to rafath and libas, one can even argue that bashir is included, to be within the scope of taqrabu.

By Allah saying ‘…these are the limits set by Allah, so do not approach them…’, Gẹ is essentially saying that to do what was stated above – rafath, libas, and bashir, that is – during the times they were stated not to be done, and if one does, one will be approaching (taqrabu) the limits set by Allah.

It is with this understanding that we’ll look into Q17 V32, wherein Allah says wa la taqrabu zina, which simply means do not go near zina; by Allah referring to rafath in Q2 V187 as a means of going near (taqrabu), Allah makes it easier by being more specific about one of the acts that constitutes taqrabu, and therefore one can be deliberate in one’s continuous struggle to avoid or go near zina as it relates to Q17 V32.

Another verse that I find that this verse helps clarify is Q2 V222, wherein Allah – when talking about how to behave or not to behave sexually when it comes to a spouse on her period – says wa la taqrabuHunna hatta yatHurna, which basically means do not taqrabu (approach or go near) your spouse until they’ve purified themselves, which would be after their period is over.

What this then means is that the nearness being referred to in Q2 V222 doesn’t have to do with physical nearness like being in the presence of, holding, talking, seeing one’s spouse etc; but what the taqrabu here means is to not do rafath and libas with them, because then, we may fall into doing bashir with them while they are on their period, bashir here means sexual intercourse.

Which as we’ve seen with Q17 V32, wherein Allah forbids going near Zina, because Gẹ knows that the only way to commit the act is by first going near it. And so in Q2 V222, Allah uses the same logic, that we should not go near – rafath and libas – our spouses while they are on their period because then, having sexual intercourse (bashir) with them while they are on their period will be impossible, or at least almost impossible.

That way, spouses are able to avoid the frustrations and resentment that may occur in instances where rafath and libas is done, and sexual intercourse doesn’t follow because of course she is on her period.

And so in Q2 V197, the second, and last place rafath was mentioned in the Quran, wherein Allah talks about not doing rafath during hajj, it is based on the understanding that the sexual experience starts with rafath. The leading on, the enticement, the excitement, and by Allah saying no to rafath there, Gẹ is saying no to all that will come as a result of it, which includes libas and bashir et al.

It is fascinating to me that Allah ends V187 of Q2 appropriately with these words – Allah makes clear Gẹs verses to the people that they may become righteous. Allahu Akbar! Indeed, Gẹ makes them clear.

In essence, rafath is part of foreplay. So when Allah said ‘it has been made permissible for you the night preceding fasting to rafath with your spouse…’, Gẹ is in a way mandating foreplay, which as we’ve seen can include words, gestures and every other acts that is geared towards sexual intercourse with one’s spouse. And that also means that one should stay away from Rafath in all its suggestive manifestations while one is fasting, but one can engage in them with one’s spouse from the time one breaks one’s fast till it’s time to start the next day’s.

As we will see, while rafath is non-physical in its foreplay nature, libas is physical in all of its nature; and these two acts are part of what one should not come close to (taqrabu) whether with sex with one’s spouse when they aren’t on their period (during fasting), or when they are on their period (fasting or not), or when it comes to zina.

It is important to note that the role that foreplay plays in cliteracy is a primary one, and so seeing that Allah ordered the actions in a way that follows this progression is reassuring, fulfilling and informative to say the least.

In the next piece inshaAllah, we will be addressing libas, pun intended. Haha! I will explain the pun in ‘addressing libas’ in the next piece inshaAllah.