WHO TO MARRY IN ISLAM.

I figured if we are going to embark on a journey about how the dowry, the divorce, and the child sustenance system entrenches and encourages alimony, we should first look into who one can marry. In this day and age that muslim men have considered marrying non-muslim women as though they are in the same category as muslim women, or, in some cases, even higher than the muslim women, it is important that it be looked into.

This piece is about the spirituality of the women one is allowed to marry in Islam, not necessarily the temperament or circumstantial compatibility of both parties, for that, each party will have to first be in touch with itself, before being able to decipher what more they desire in a spouse. It also isn’t looking into those women itemized in Q4 V22 to V24 that one shouldn’t marry because of their family or close ties with one.

This piece aims at the spirituality of the men and mostly women one is allowed to marry in islam. It strives to take a deeper look at the verses on this matter through the Classical Arabic lens. The least one can do when attempting to write about dowry, divorce, and alimony is to look into the women that are its subjects.

The two main verses that addresses the faith of these women are Q4 V25 and Q5 V5.

Q4 V25 states that “And whoever among you cannot [find] the means to marry muhsonatil muminat (free, believing women), then [he may marry] from those whom your right hands possess of fatayatikumul muminat (believing slave girls). And Allah is most knowing about your faith. You [believers] are of one another. So marry them with the permission of their people and give them their due compensation according to what is acceptable. [They should be] muhsọnatin (chaste), neither of those who commit musafihat (unlawful intercourse randomly) nor those who take akhdan ([secret] lovers). But once they are uhsin (sheltered in marriage), if they should commit fahishat (adultery), then for them is half the punishment for muhsonat (free [unmarried] women). This [allowance] is for him among you who fears sin, but to be patient is better for you. And Allah is Forgiving and Merciful.”

And Q5 V5 states that “This day [all] good foods have been made lawful, and the food of those who were given the Scripture is lawful for you and your food is lawful for them. And [lawful in marriage are] muhsọnat minal muminat (chaste women from among the believers) and muhsọnatu mina ladhina utul kitab (chaste women from among those who were given the Scripture) before you, when you have given them their due compensation, muhsinin (desiring chastity), not musafihin (unlawful sexual intercourse) or taking akhdan ([secret] lovers). And whoever denies the faith – his work has become worthless, and he, in the Hereafter, will be among the losers.”

Let’s start with Q4 V25; starting there, we see that there’s a categorization going on, by Allah giving preference to ‘muhsọnatil muminat’, that is the gold standard; but if for whatever reason one is unable to marry a muhsonatil muminat, the next in line is a fatayatikumul muminat, and Allah ends that section with ‘And Allah is most knowing about your faith’. But before we go into why Allah brought in iman (faith) into the question of who one marries, let’s define the 2 categories of muslim women one can marry.

Muhsonat, with a sod, not to be mistaken with the one with a sin, has its root alphabets as ha, sod, and nun. 7 forms of the word appeared a total of 18 times in the Quran, and it’s said to mean fortress, palace, to be inaccessible, to be guarded, fortified, immune; to fortify, armament, lock; to be chaste, a married person; stallion, horse. So, what does all of these expressions have in common, and most importantly, how did it come to be used to describe women one can marry?

You see, hason is said of a fortress, a fort, not just any fortress, but one so called because of its inaccessibility. So that whenever a fortress is unapproachable, or difficult to access, then that’s hasọn. And there are different ways in which this said fortress achieves this, a moat can be built around it, it’s walls can be really high and made with very strong materials, so that breaching it without following the due channel becomes practically unattainable. A fortified place; a place of which the interior is inaccessible; any place that is fortified, or protected against attack, so that one cannot gain access to what is within it, that is hason.

And that’s why the horse is called husun, because unlike walking on land, one is not easily accessible when one is on a horse, whether to talk to, or to fight against.

It is this idea that is then applied to humans, the idea of one being a fortress, and the virtues that comes with that. So that a woman said to be hason is protected, and by being protected, that means that people won’t be able to reach her for lewd acts. And the crux of how she got to be so protracted is because of her freedom, she not being a slave. She has her parents to protect her, her extended families, her tribe, and the entire polity, ready to strike if and when her sanctity is breached, or anything happens to her. And so she is said to be, or became, continent, or chaste; or she abstained from what was not lawful nor decorous.

And when we contrast it with fatayat, we will see that a muhsọnat need not be a virgin, she can be a mother, widow, or a divorcée. And that is why Muhsonat is translated to ‘married women’ in Q4 V24, because she is inaccessible for marriage to someone else while she is still married to her husband.

Q4 V25 states that “And whoever among you cannot [find] the means to marry muhsonatil muminat (free, believing women), then [he may marry] from those whom your right hands possess of fatayatikumul muminat (believing slave girls). And Allah is most knowing about your faith. You [believers] are of one another. So marry them with the permission of their people and give them their due compensation according to what is acceptable. [They should be] muhsọnatin (chaste), neither of those who commit musafihat (unlawful intercourse randomly) nor those who take akhdan ([secret] lovers). But once they are uhsin (sheltered in marriage), if they should commit fahishat (adultery), then for them is half the punishment for free [unmarried] women. This [allowance] is for him among you who fears sin, but to be patient is better for you. And Allah is Forgiving and Merciful.”

Of the 18 times that a variation of hasọn was mentioned in the Quran, we see that Q59 V2 used it to mean fortress; Q59 V14 used it to mean fortified cities; Q21 V80 used it to mean coats of mail; so that when Q12 V48 then says “Then will come after that seven difficult [years] which will consume what you saved for them,

except a little from which you will tuhsinuun (store).” We know that the ‘store’ is not just any kind of store, but a well guarded and fortified store, right? Cool.

In Q21 V91 and Q66 V12, it appeared as ahsonat farjaH in describing the virtues of Maryam, Mother of Jesus; we know what ahson means, as for furuj, the simple meaning that will not send us into a verbose tangent is that it means ‘opening’ – the private part is an opening, and so are the eyes, the mouth and the likes. So that when Allah then puts those words together, in addition to chastity, we see that she must have been a well behaved and righteous woman, because we know that she also guarded what she looked at and spoke about.

Q24 V4 states the punishment for those that falsely accuse muhsonat women, and V23 adds to the punishment if the muhsonat is a muminat.

The remaining 10 mentions of hason are those that concern who to marry; it appeared in Q4 V24 twice; 4 times in Q4 V25; 3 times in Q5 V5 and 1 time in Q24 V33.

And when we contrast it with fatayatikumul muminat, we will see that a muhsọnat need not be a virgin, she can be a mother; she can even be a widow, or a divorcée. So that this idea that muhsonat exclusively means being a virgin thereby construing chastity to mean virginity is false.

Q4 V25 states that “And whoever among you cannot [find] the means to marry muhsonatil muminat (free, believing women), then [he may marry] from those whom your right hands possess of fatayatikumul muminat (believing slave girls). And Allah is most knowing about your faith…”

The root alphabets of fatayat are faf, ta and ya, and 7 forms of the word appeared a total of 21 times in the Quran. And it is said to mean youthfulness, youth, to be youthful, (of an infant/child) to reach youthfulness; vigour, to be vigorous; to formulate an opinion, counsel, to counsel, to give an opinion; slave, servant, companion, and the likes.

It is in understanding how this word came to mean all these things that one is able to decipher the true meaning of fatiy.

We’ll start our journey of trying to understand the word by first looking at its meaning as it relates to being young, youthful and the likes. Q18 V10 says that “[Mention] when the fityat (youths) retreated to the cave and…”, and V13 of Q18 states that “…Indeed, they were fityat (youths) who believed in their Lord…” Q21 60 states that “They said, ‘We heard a fatan (young man) mention them who is called Abraham.’” Q12 V36 states that “And there entered the prison with him fatayan (two young men)…”

So, we see that the Quran used it to refer to being young; this is especially important because, as we will see, other imports are being made to make it exclusively mean a derivative meaning of it. Anyway, now that we have that understanding, let’s look into another way the word was used in the Quran.

Giving sound advice, counsel or opinion is one of such expressions. And that’s why we find that Queen Sheba in Q27 V32 said to her chiefs, “…”O eminent ones, aftuni (advise) me in my affair…” We also find that the pharaoh of the time of Yusuf approached his chiefs about his dream in Q12 V43, and he said, “…O eminent ones, aftuni (explain) to me my vision, if you should interpret visions.”

From these 2 verses, we see that these leaders in asking for counsel used this word. And now that we know that it means being young, youthful, and the likes, the purport of why the word was used stems from the quality of the advice that’s being asked. It is one that the Queen and Pharaoh expect to be vibrant, like the vibrancy and vigor of youth; they expect that the advice be sound, and strong, like the strength of someone in their prime. Not old, weak, fickle, or fragile thoughts.

And so it happened that when employers and slave owners wanted to employ folks for servitude, they used the word to refer to the idea of their expectations in the said employee or slave. Someone that’s wise, strong, and in their prime, in every way. It didn’t matter how old or young they were, it depended on what the job that will be given to them was. And so someone that’s suitable to their needs came to be called Fatiy.

Other than the other words that were used to refer to slaves in Arabic, like a’bd, whenever fatiy was used, it carried with it that sense of intellectual acumen, like that that could be used to run a country, as we see with the chiefs of the Queen and the Pharoah above. The word also came to represent the sound mental state of a person. The idea of having a sound mind, not one muddled up by old age triggered conditions, also came to be referred to as fatiy. So, we have the physical and mental strength and vigor of youth combined in the word fatiy.

So that whenever the word is translated to ‘advice’, we know that the intention for the word being used is that the advice should be a sound one, not one with defect of any kind. And that’s its main feature; for example, if we look at Nasiha, another word that was translated to ‘advice’ in the Quran, it is said of a needle when it pierces through a cloth in its attempt to patch up, or amend it; so that whenever it is used, we know that its usage is coming from someone that is giving a ‘bitter truth’, a truth that the person may not want, the hard truth, as they say, one that’s hard to swallow. So, a nasiha can be fatiy, but a fatiy need not be a nasiha.

And so when we read that the women of the city referred to Yusuf as fataH in Q12 V30; or when Moses referred to his servant as fataH in Q18 V60; or when Allah referred to the servants of Yusuf in Q12 V62 as fityaniH; we immediately input their savviness of youth, the potency of their thoughts, even though they might not be physically young, but we know that their judgment is unquestionable. Just as the chiefs of both the Queen and the Pharoah would have been of varying ages, so will the servants of Yusuf would have been, and yet, we see that fatiy is expected of them.

And so when Allah used the same word to refer to muslim women that one can marry in Q4 V25, it is a disservice to simply translate it to ‘slave girl’, especially because it was also used in contrast to muhsonat.

Now that we know what we know of muhsonat and fatiy, let’s try to define fatiy. First of all, since it was used as opposite to muhsonat, which as we’ve seen means someone with protection of their tribe and country if anything happens to them, we can tell that fatiy must carry in its meaning someone not so fortunate, hence, the talks of ‘slave’. While that may be true back then, the categories of those that can be fatiy today are not limited to being slaves. Today, a fatiy can be a refugee living in camps or country borders; internally displaced persons living in some remote part of their country, or outside of it; and any of such people that are so helpless, that some may even resort to prostitution in their bid to stay alive.

And this is where the second meaning of being an intellectual comes to play. By Allah using fatiy, we see that Allah doesn’t just want us to go for the next refugee we see, but we must assess them in our own way to see that if we were say – I don’t know – the president of a country, we would be appointing and asking them for advice on how to run the country. I mean, that goes both ways, we should also be of that form, and of course, the muhsonat should also be of that standing. And obviously, because we can find such spouse in every religion, Allah made sure to add ‘muminat’. And so we see that the said fatayat has to also be a muslim.

And that’s why Allah continued Q4 V25 with “…You [believers] are of one another. So marry them…” to show that Allah knows that those women may turn out to be of a different color from us, different tongue from us, and different economic standing from us. Allah said, Muslims are of one another, we are the same, we shouldn’t think not to marry them because of their lot.

To further define fatiy, Allah chose to add to the definition of muhsonat as we see in the same Q4 V25 where Allah said “…[They should be] muhsonatin (chaste), neither of those who commit musafihat (unlawful intercourse randomly) nor those who take akhdan ([secret] lovers). And that’s because as I have alluded to above, such women, left stranded in the middle of nowhere fall in the hands of gangs or pimps who use their desperation to make a living, and there are some who go into it willfully so as to make ends meet.

Before we go into those words, and what they classically mean, it should be noted that by Allah furthering the definition of muhsonat, we can take it that the one seeking, and the muhsonat that’s being sought, should also not be one of musafihat and akhdan.

The root alphabets of musafihat are sin, faf and ha, and 3 forms of the word occurred 4 times in the Quran; masfuuhan once, musafiheen twice, musafihat once. Other than with masfuuhan where it was used to mean ‘pouring forth’, the other mentions used it to mean someone that does fornication (safihat). Collectively, the word is said to mean the base, bottom or lower part of a mountain; side of a mountain along which rain water pounds down unchecked; pouring down of water, spilling of blood; fornication.

Q6 V145 states that “Say, ‘I do not find within that which was revealed to me [anything] forbidden to one who would eat it unless it be a dead animal or blood masfuuhan (spilled out) or the flesh of swine…”. How it came to be used to refer to fornication is based on the fact that safihat is used to refer to the side of a mountain along which rain water falls and it becomes like a pound; so that any woman that has sex with so many men, which will probably be an average of 200 to 365 men in a year, the women are like the side of the mountain that collects rain, rain there being sperm, and of course, it is irrelevant that the men or women have condoms on. 🙄This is safihat. I’m reminded of one of the companions of the prophet that asked if he could marry a prostitute, and he was told not to, because she could be said to be safihat. But if they’ve changed their ways and become of the muhsonat, that guard their chastity, then they can be of those one can look into marrying.

The fact that it ‘collects’ is important, because as we see in the only other time that safihat was mentioned other than to describe someone; Q6 V145 states that, “Say, ‘I do not find within that which was revealed to me [anything] forbidden to one who would eat it unless it be a dead animal or blood masfuuhan (spilled out) or the flesh of swine – for indeed, it is impure…”; the mention of masfuuhan there tells us that it is not enough that animal blood touched our tongue, especially nowadays that a piece of chicken or beef may not have been well done, and one reaches blood as soon as one gets to the bone, or as soon as one gets to the middle of the steak.

Now that we understand the word classically, we know that it must have been blood that was ‘collected’ for the purpose of drinking or eating it.

Anyway, back to musafihat, a male can be musafihat, because as we know, the fluid the women secrete during intercourse is one way or another collected by the male genital organ; which as we know, both genitalia eventually spills out all or most of the collected fluid, and the unspilled can go ahead to make a baby or cause Sexually Transmitted Diseases and the likes.

As for Akhdan, the root alphabets are kha, dal and nun, and it occurred twice in the Quran, and in both instances, it was used to describe a quality one shouldn’t abide in a spouse. Khadan, is said of a friend, companion, associate, confidant; to take a friend; lover, a secret or private friend. In modern speak, a sugar daddy, sugar mommy, friends with benefit, or one night stands will fall into this category.

Any of such sole secret lover that one frequents or frequents one for the execution of sexual relations will be akhdan. It is different from musafihat in that it’s not a lot of people, so she or he may not be a full time prostitute, and her coital relations may not be something public; that will qualify as akhdan. For more on zina, you can read the second book in this series titled ‘all you need to know about the hijab, zihar, and zina’ for free here – https://bit.ly/3LzNuE3, or get a hard copy for a fee here – https://bit.ly/3LpHVbq.

Between musafihat and akhdan, we find that all the iterations of extra marital affairs are covered. Allah then goes back to the original meaning of hason here with the use of uhsin in the continuation of Q4 V25 where Allah said, “…But once they are uhsin (sheltered in marriage), if they should commit fahishat (adultery), then for them is half the punishment for muhsonat (free [unmarried] women)…” What uhsin enunciates there is that after this person that may have been married from a refugee or internally displaced camp, or any of such temporary accommodation systems, and thereby becomes ‘protected’ by virtue of their newly acquired citizenship, or tribal affiliations through their marriage – if they end up committing fahshah, then their punishment cannot be the same as of one that has hitherto enjoyed the benefit of being privileged.

“…This [allowance] is for him among you who fears sin, but to be patient is better for you. And Allah is Forgiving and Merciful.” Q4 V25.

The use of mim to prefix words like safihat, so that we have musafihat, masfuuhan; or hason so that you have muhsonat is also important. Mim, when used as a prefix in this way serves as a conjunctive pronoun. It’s like the mim that prefixes Ahmad that gives us Muhammad, for instance, what it does is that it communicates a form of repetitiveness. So that whereas Ahmad means the praised one, MUhammad is not only praised, but will continue to be praised, and that he is also someone that continuously praises, it just gives any word that it comes as prefix to that excessive, continuation, nonstop vibe.

And we can see that in the words that they were added to, and the words that they weren’t added to. So we see that Allah mentioned Akhdan (secret lover), not Makhdan, for instance, and Musafihat (those who commit unlawful intercourse randomly), not Safihat. Without one knowing their deeper meanings, but just the words, one can tell that one has the quality of numbers, and the other doesn’t. I have written extensively on zina in the book I linked above, and Allah forgives all sins.

Now to the next verse on the subject of who to marry. With Q5 V1, Allah starts by calling on all believers to fulfill their obligations, which in this case, means that believers should be dutiful to the things Gẹ has made lawful, and stay away from the things Gẹ has made unlawful, and to that end, V1 continues by saying that believers can eat all grazing livestock except those that have been made lawful, and it concludes by saying believers shouldn’t hunt when they are on pilgrimage. V2 continues with talks of what one can do or not do while in the state of ihram, and what one can do or not do when done with pilgrimage. V3 gives a concise list of food that are forbidden, and state what circumstances those forbidden foods can be eaten. V4 then states expressly that if they ask you, Prophet, what has been made lawful for them to eat, and then states what foods one can eat, and add foods that a trained animal catches to the list.

V5 then states that “This day [all] good foods have been made lawful, and the food of those who were given the Scripture is lawful for you and your food is lawful for them. And [lawful in marriage are] muhsọnat minal muminat (chaste women from among the believers) and muhsọnatu mina ladhina utul kitab (chaste women from among those who were given the Scripture) before you, when you have given them their due compensation, muhsinin (desiring chastity), not musafihin (unlawful sexual intercourse) or taking akhdan ([secret] lovers). And whoever denies the faith – his work has become worthless, and he, in the Hereafter, will be among the losers.”

I did a summary of those verses up on till V5 that we want to work on to show the theme that was going on. Hopefully, if asked, one is able to deduce that it is one of stating the general rule on a matter, and mentioning its exceptions, and when the exceptions may apply. From Hajj, Food and Marriage. That is very germane especially when we consider that the issue of lawful and unlawful food was even still addressed in the same verse 5 that we are looking into.

So that without any exegesis, we can tell that the allowance to marry women from those of the book is an exception, not the general rule. It will be like eating pork without being in dire circumstance, and stating that it is allowed.

We’ve seen how the fatayatikumul muminat were referred to as muhsonat in Q4 V25 when Allah said about them that “…[They should be] muhsọnatin (chaste), neither of those who commit musafihat (unlawful intercourse randomly) nor those who take akhdan ([secret] lovers)…”. So that technically, one can say that the fatayatikumul muminat is a category of muhsonatil muminat, but that they were mentioned separately so that they can be recognized, and reached out to. And so as to remove the racial, class or economic stigma that may have been attached to them.

Another mention that drives home this point is the mention of ‘faith’ here. We see that the mention of faith in Q4 V25 wherein Allah said “…And Allah is most knowing about your faith…” after stating that one should marry the fatayat, is to reassure the man that couldn’t afford to marry a muhsonatil muminat, and had to marry a fatayatikumul muminat, that he really hasn’t been able to see much of her faith hitherto, that his choice to marry the fatayat doesn’t take him out of the faith, especially since, Allah then ended the verse with, “…This [allowance] is for him among you who fears sin, but to be patient is better for you. And Allah is Forgiving and Merciful.”

However, in Q5 V5, we see that the wording of the mention of faith is different from that of Q4 V25; whereas the former has the wordings “And whoever ‘denies’ the faith…”, when talking about marrying nonbelievers, the latter has a more softer language when talking about marrying fellow Muslims who are of a ‘special background’ when Allah said “…And Allah is most ‘knowing’ about your faith…”. Especially because, Q5 V5 then ends with a very severe warning after seemingly allowing the union, “…his work has become worthless, and he, in the Hereafter, will be among the losers.”

The reach of the allowance is one that it is best for one to choose one’s spouse from the fold of islam. There’s also the unending conversation about who the people of the book are, and how they are different from idol worshippers; is a Christian that believes Jesus is God or a part of God, and prays to an idol of him crucified, of the people of the book or an idol worshipper? Is the one that consider Jesus to be the son of God also one of the people of the book? So that “…And whoever denies the faith – his work has become worthless, and he, in the Hereafter, will be among the losers.” summons another meaning, doesn’t it? Aren’t these ‘people of the book’ one of those that ‘deny’ the faith? At the minimum, its mention is so as to say that marrying beyond the people of the book will be denying the faith, and even at that, one is left with the question of who truly are the people of the book, and how to distinguish them from the polytheists.

Q2 V221 states that “And do not marry polytheistic women until they believe. And a believing slave woman is better than a polytheist, even though she might please you. And do not marry polytheistic men [to your women] until they believe. And a believing slave is better than a polytheist, even though he might please you. Those invite [you] to the Fire, but Allah invites to Paradise and to forgiveness, by His permission. And He makes clear His verses to the people that perhaps they may remember.”

Why go outside of the faith to find a spouse when we’ve been created to worship, and our purpose of bringing forth progeny is so that the worship can continue? Will this spouse that is of a different faith abide by the fact that her children will be of another faith from hers? Is this man that claims to love his nonbeliever woman okay with the fact that she might eventually be of the people that won’t make it to paradise? What contempt have the muslim women so embraced that muslim men have to look beyond the faith, and seek spouses elsewhere?

Today, even in the west, to claim non availability won’t stand, because Imams in mosques across the west have a ready list of muslim men and women seeking to get married. The color of the skin of the person shouldn’t matter, neither should their culture, class or economic background, and that’s why Allah said despite the fact that they are ‘different’, the mere fact that they are Muslim means that we ‘are of one another’.

Now, I’m not not advocating that what Allah has made permissible be made impermissible, but rather than the Russian roulette of a marriage that might take one out of the faith, and erase all of one’s deeds, as the threat that accompanied its allowance states, “… his work has become worthless, and he, in the Hereafter, will be among the losers.”; shouldn’t one stay safe and marry a muslim spouse?

Now, as for nonbelievers that the wife became a muslim and the husband hasn’t, scholars are of differing opinions on whether to leave the man, especially if he is soft towards Islam, and is also considering becoming one. Each circumstance will dictate how it will be approached, and that is my take on the people of the book question too. Despite the fact that I don’t have like a full list of questions that one might ask to verify their kind of faith which I think will include that they believe in Mark 12:29 that states that God is one; that God doesn’t have partners, that God doesn’t have a son, that God doesn’t have to give birth, basically, all that Muslims believe, only that these people of the book don’t believe that Muhammad is a Prophet of God, and that the Quran is from God.

This is what we are saying when we marry a nonmuslim, we are saying that we are fine being spouses with someone that doesn’t believe in the prophethood of our beloved – Muhammad, may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, his spouses, his household, and all that believe in his prophethood till the end of time – and as a consequence, don’t believe that the Quran is divine.