Dowry as a means of Alimony in Islam.

Despite the popular frenzy backed by some practices in some Muslim jurisdictions; here, now, we are about to embark on a journey that reintroduces the dowry system in islam, and how it actively works as a means of alimony for the wife should in case a divorce, or death happens.

Dowry, we see that some have defined it as the wealth the wife has to give her husband on being married, and some of those that describe it so, have tried to distinguish it from Dower, which they argue is the true Islamic gift given by a husband to a wife on being married. Some then say shouldn’t it be Bride-Price then? Since the bride is being ‘bought’?

And there are those that are of the view that all those expressions do not capture the true essence of the wherewithal given by a husband to his wife for marriage, that we should ‘stick’ to MaHr, that MaHr really captures it, that maHr is the true word for dowry; does it though? Do any of these words capture the essence of that gift? Hopefully, by the end of this piece, we’ll be able to see this gift for what it really is.

So, let’s define Dowry as it ought to be understood in Islam. We’ll start with MaHr the popular Arabic word that’s said to be Dowry. To start with, MaHr doesn’t appear in the Quran at all, not to describe Dowry, not to describe anything else. The words that were translated to dowry in the Quran are Soduqat as seen in Q4 V4; Ujur, as seen in Q4 V24; Fard, as seen in Q2 V236; and Qintor, as seen in Q4 V20.

As for MaHr, we find its usage in some ahadith literature though, like that of Abu Mas’ud Al Ansari, where he said that “The Messenger of Allah prohibited the price of a dog, the maHr of a fornicator, and the payment made to the fortune-teller.” Tirmidhi 1133. Translators have translated maHr in this hadith to hire paid, earnings, and another to ‘money earned’.

But what does maHr really mean?

The root alphabets of the word are mim, Hao and ra. Classically, maHr is said of a colt, a young uncastrated male horse, particularly one less than four years old. How that came to be used for the dowry is embedded in the potential of a colt. Back then, gifting someone a colt was equivalent to setting someone up for life, just one colt. With it, one can get one’s chores done, one’s travelings, one’s agricultural needs, and even war needs. And because it is uncastrated, it can sire more of its kind for its owner, and even be hired to sire more of its kind to others, so that as it get old, its replacements learns from it. And just from one colt, one can end up with a herd of horses, and even start selling some of them.

It’s such a dependable gift – one that promises lifelong prosperity – that they just started calling the dowry maHr, way to put pressure on the potential husband. 😁 So that even if we stick with maHr in our alimony talks, we see right there and then that the husband by giving maHr is making sure that if he dies in penury or divorce happens, the wife is being taken care of, forever. We will go deeper into the issue of husbands collecting back their dowry on being divorced later in this piece, for now, let’s stick with defining the terms.

Now, let’s start with fard, you know, that word that we’ve come to understand means for something to be ‘compulsory’, yes, that word, it was used as ‘dowry’. We see in Q2 V236 that Allah said, “There is no blame upon you if you divorce women you have not touched nor tafridu (specified) for them a fareedot (dowry)…”, and in V237 of the same Q2, Allah said, “And if you divorce them before you have touched them and you have already faradtum (specified) for them a fareedatan (dowry), then [give] half of what you faradtum (specified)…”. We see fard being spilled everywhere around dowry, either as dowry itself, the act of giving it, and the process of promising to give it. 🥰

Allah in doing that has made paying dowry compulsory, as compulsory as every other act that is fard in islam. And to not do it will be tantamount to disobeying a commandment of Allah, may Allah make it easy for us to carry out all of Gẹs commandments. Ameen. 🤲🏿

Now, let’s look into what fard really means. Its root alphabets are faf, ra and dod, and 4 forms of the word appeared a total of 18 times in the Quran. Fard is said to mean to incise, to indent; to make obligatory, obligation, enforcement, enforced absence; to be advanced in years; appointed measure.

To understand what all of these expressions have in common, let’s see what it means classically. Fard, classically, is said of cutting something that’s really hard, and since one has to carefully consider and be precise in the measurement of where to mark for the cutting, and compulsorily mandate one’s self and others to follow through on the marking(s); this marking is said to be Fard.

And so to make a mark, marks or lines on a piece of cloth, to specify where they should be cut, will be considered fard. The tailor in making those marks or lines has a design in mind, and to not follow the fard (marks) will mean that the intended outcome will not be possible. If a dress comes out of it, it will not be the dress that the tailor intended. And that’s how it has come to mean making an incision, enforcement and for something to be compulsory.

Now that we’ve seen that dowry is compulsory, and how the word fard itself has been used for dowry, let’s go to ujur, the word that was used for dowry most of the time in the Quran. Its root alphabets are alif, jim and ra, and 4 forms of the word appeared a total of 108 times in the Quran. Ujur is said to mean wages, pay wages, reward, recompensed, compensated, reward for work done; hire, to hire, employ, to engage; a hired man, a hireling; rent, to rent; dowry.

And to that end, we see in Q4 V24 that Allah said, “…So for whatever you enjoy [of marriage] from them, give them their ujur (dowries), as an obligation…”. The word translated to ‘enjoy [of marriage]’ is Istamta’tum, which has its root alphabets as mim, ta and ain, and in brief terms means every form of enjoyment, and provision. We see in Q2 V36 that all of the good things of this life was called mata’un, “But Satan caused them to slip out of it and removed them from that condition] in which they had been. And We said, ‘Go down, [all of you], as enemies to one another, and you will have upon the earth a place of settlement and mata’un (provision) for a time.’” And in Q37 V148, Allah said, “And they believed, so We gave them famata’naHum (enjoyment [of life]) for a time.”

So that it is this ‘enjoyment’ that the reward ‘ujur’ is for, as we’ve said that ujur is reward, compensation or remuneration gotten for work done. Another use of ujur in the Quran, of the many is in Q57 V11 where Allah said, “Who is it that would loan Allah a goodly loan so He will multiply it for him and he will have a noble ajrun (reward)?”

Starting with the Prophet in Q33 V50, he is told, “O Prophet, indeed We have made lawful to you your wives to whom you have given their ujuur (dowries)…”; to every muslim, as seen in Q4 V25 wherein Allah said, “…So marry them with the permission of their people and give them their ujuur (dowry) according to what is acceptable…”.

We also see in the story of Moses in Q28 V27 that his father-in-law said, “…I wish to marry you to one of these two daughters of mine, on condition that you tajurani (hire yourself) to me for eight years.” So, we can see that exchange of marriage as a reward for the service given. Which in turn is not only making the wife rich, but the family wealthy. From it we derive that dowry need not be monetarily, but that it can be of service, it can be in installments, it can be one that lasts for years, and it can involve one’s spouse or in-law’s family business(es) etc; it all depends on what has been agreed between the parties, and one has given one’s word on.

Talking of agreement and giving one’s word, the third word that was used for dowry in the Quran is Soduqat. Its root alphabets are sod, dal and qaf, and 22 forms of the word appeared a total of 155 times in the Quran.

Allah said in Q4 V4 that, “And give the women [upon marriage] their soduqat (dowries) graciously. But if they give up willingly to you anything of it, then take it in satisfaction and ease.”

Soduqat, you know the word, it’s the same word that’s used in place of charity or giving alms, but what does sodaqah really mean?

Sidq is classically said of the wild animal when for instance it’s trying to chase down a gazelle, the cheetah is not looking right or left, its attention is 100 percent on the prey, and it contorts itself in its pursuit fervently, going as fast as 80 miles per hour, because its next meal, and that of its cubs depends on the catch, this is Sidq. A spear or arrow is also said to be sidq when they are thrown or fired, because they go right to the heart of their target without wavering or getting distracted.

And so if a person is such that when they promise to give or do something, the next person is beyond certain that this person will not go back on their promise, that they will reach where their words have said that they will reach, that person is then called Siddiq. Anyone that can be trusted like the arrow out of the bow, like the bullet out of the gun, to get to where it has promised to get to, or to do what he has said he’d do, is said to be a Siddiq. Same is said of the person that believes the Siddiq, because, his subsequent actions and plans are unwavering, they show his absolute trust in the siddiq, and so he becomes a siddiq too.

It is from this idea that the word sodaqah came to be, so that anyone that believes and trusts Allah’s words so much so that they give something from the rizq that Allah has given them, trusting and believing in the promise of Allah to have something better, this alms is said to be Sodaqah. And this means that even zakat is a form of sodaqah, because it is a form of giving based on the belief in Allah’s words. And that’s why you find that Q9 V60 that stipulates how zakat should be shared actually used the word sodaqat, not Zakat. Zakat’s root meaning actually comes from purification, to purify, and the likes. So that by Allah calling the compulsory sodaqat Zakat, what Allah wants us to have in mind there is that Zakat purifies, us – in this life and the next – and it purifies whatever rizq it has been removed from, it doesn’t reduce it. 👍🏿

And so when Allah said, “And give the women [upon marriage] their soduqat (dowries) graciously…” in Q4 V4, it means that if and when you promise to give them something, don’t renege on the promise, you must follow through, like the arrow to its target, like the cheetah to the gazelle, unwavering, without backpedaling. And of course, it came after Q4 V3 that talks about 2, 3, 4 wives; you can’t say because you now have multiple wives, the next woman should be understanding of your position, and let you go back on your word that you’ve given them hitherto. So the use of soduqat there is perfect, and paramount.

With Fard, you are giving because it is compulsory, all dowry can be said to be under that umbrella. With ujur, you are giving them as a reward for what they’ve done, which in some cases, can be just their mere acceptance to marry you, and the promise of spousal companionship that you’ll be getting upon marrying them; with soduqat, you are giving them based on the promise you made, and all of the innate qualities of ujur is still embedded in it, that you are giving them for accepting to marry you and all.

So far, we’ve seen that the first 3 words didn’t go into the content of what dowry should be, they were more or less describing its nature as obligatory, as a reward, and as a promise; now, qintor, like maHr, describes its content, and as we’ll see, it swallows all that maHr could ever be. Pun intended. Hehe!

Qintor is the 4th word I found was used for our dear dowry, its root alphabets are qaf, nun, tọ, and ra, and 3 forms of the word was used 4 times in the Quran. Qintor twice, Qanatir once, and muqantoratun once.

We see in Q3 V14 that Allah said, “Beautified for men is the love of desired things – women and children, wal qanateeril muqantorat (and stored-up heaps) of gold and silver…”, and in Q3 V75, Allah said, “And among the People of the Scripture is he who, if you entrust him with qintoor (a great amount [of wealth]), he will return it to you…”.

And the only other time it was used in the Quran, is in this verse that we are about to look into. Qintor is said to mean to tie together, to arch; unspecified large amounts of money, great amount, fortune; sums and/or weights of various measures etc.

Qintor is classically said of tying, knitting or stacking something together, in an effort to build an arch or a vault, which is basically a semicircle structure. The scene is of a river that a bridge needs to be built across, a feat of engineering, because the bricks or stones has to be so precisely and firmly placed, cemented, each and every one of them, so that whatever needs to be crossing over it doesn’t break it, and cause its users to drown, and or lose their goods. And so this sort of bridge over water is also called Qintor.

So that when Allah said in Q4 V20 that, “But if you want to replace one wife with another and you have given one of them a qintor (great amount)…”, what was communicated wasn’t just that you’d given them something, it goes into the heart of the quality of what you must have given, it must have been something so significant that they’ve built a bridge of sustenance and prosperity over the river of poverty and destruction.

Allah expects that wives, while in marriage, should have had something so great that upon divorce from the husband, or the husband’s demise, they’d have no fear of poverty.

Something that must have been built brick by brick, which will include the dowry, but not limited to it, built with precision over the river of poverty that lays below it. This is especially important when we are talking about alimony in islam, because as we’ll see in the full verse and the verse that follows it, Allah was actively watching out for women if and when divorce happens. Allah continues that verse by saying, “…do not take [back] from it anything. Would you take it in injustice and manifest sin?”

So, no matter how large a treasure you’ve built for them, Allah said not to take back from it shay-an (anything).

One wonders where anyone that studies the Quran will come up with ideas about alimony not being in Islam. It is immaterial that you haven’t lived with them for years upon years, because as we see in the verse, ‘years’ wasn’t specified. So, anytime within the marriage, a day after, a week after, that you decide to divorce the woman, Allah expects that she should already be in possession of this great wherewithal that you shouldn’t take anything back from.

I mean, we see in Q2 V236 that Allah said that the woman one marries but hasn’t touched or specified a dowry for shouldn’t be left empty handed, that, in Allah’s words, mati’, which means ‘provision’, should be made for her. If you remember the word mati’ above, it’s the word Allah used to describe all of the ‘provision’ that will be provided for mankind as Adam was sent to earth. So, even Mati’ is not small, it means that she should be given sustenance that she can survive on, each husband according to what he can afford.

Allah said, “There is no blame upon you if you divorce women you have not touched nor specified for them a dowry. But mati’u (provide) for them – the wealthy according to his capability and the poor according to his capability – mata’ (a provision) according to what is ma’ruf (acceptable), a duty upon the doers of good.” Q2 V236.

Allah made sure to mention mati’ twice in that verse to reiterate it, and then added that the said mati’ should also be ma’ruf, which as we will discuss later in this book can easily be defined as a good deed one does for someone knowing that that person particularly likes that thing. For instance, giving someone noodles can be said to be a good deed, but it only reaches the height of ma’ruf if one knew before hand that their best food is noodles, and so one gave them noodles because of that, this is ma’ruf, the knowing.

So, this woman, that one hasn’t touched – basically had sex with – and one hasn’t specified a dowry for; and now one is about to divorce her, Allah is saying she should not only be given a generous severance package, aka alimony, but it must basically be based on what one gathers she likes, if one is to be a ‘muhsineen’, as the verse ends with, and each person according to what they can afford. If this is the fate of the woman one hasn’t touched, how much more one’s wife that has lived with one for years, toiling through life with one, with or without kids?

Now, going back to Qintor, as seen in Q4 V20, and the idea of alimony embedded in it, should one even think of touching it? And Allah isn’t done with the protection of these vulnerable women, for as Allah said in V21 that follows, “And how could you take it while you have gone in unto each other and they have taken from you a meethaqan galeez (solemn covenant)?”

Still on not taking back what one has given one’s spouse upon being divorced, Allah used meethaqan galeez, basically saying if you get anything back from it, it will be tantamount to breaching that covenant. May Allah help us all. Ameen. 🤲🏿

What is meethaqan galeez?

Some translators have translated the phrase to be strong pledge, binding pledge, solemn pledge, solemn compact, rigid bond, strong covenant, solid commitment, firm covenant, strong pledge, and solemn agreement; all of these to show how strong a covenant it is to not take anything of what has been given back.

I won’t be writing an exegesis on the phrase here so that I don’t lose you in the process, it is enough to say that it is the same phrase that was used to qualify the Covenant that the Prophets have with Allah to deliver the Message, as seen in Q33 V7 wherein Allah said, “And [mention, O Muhammad], when We took from the prophets their meethaqaHum (covenant) and from you and from Noah and Abraham and Moses and Jesus, the son of Mary; and We took from them a meethaqan galeez (solemn covenant).”

I mean, marriage is said to be half of one’s faith anyway. So that to take anything back after having built for them something that will keep them afloat for life will be tantamount to a prophet breaching his covenant to deliver the message. Like! One just has to know the biography of the prophet Muhammad pbuh to know that that is not an easy feat at all; I mean, the mere fact that he lost 6 out of his 7 children before his death is enough to shake any man, but he has had a meethaqan galeez with Allah, and so he kept at it, delivering the message, every day, till he took his last breath. ✊🏿

So, the muslim husband that’s going through a divorce, and intends to make sure his wife goes back the way he met her, know that Allah has equated you taking anything back to breaching a meethaqan galeez, and if that’s not scary enough, I don’t know what is.

Hopefully, we see in the Islamic system of dowry, one that not only encourages alimony, but makes it compulsory, and threatens Muslim men not to deprive their wives of their alimony. So when we use the English word ‘dowry’, it is out of ease, in it is fard, ujur, soduqat, and qintor, and I didn’t mention maHr here because embedded in qintor is maHr. 👍🏿

Now, one can say that but this is for when the husband divorces her, not when she divorces him, thereby quoting Q2 V229 wherein Allah said, “Divorce is twice. Then, either keep [her] in ma’ruf (an acceptable manner) or release [her] with ihsan (good treatment). And it is not lawful for you to take anything of what you have given them unless both fear that they will not be able to keep [within] huduudaLlah (the limits of Allah). But if you fear that they will not keep [within] the limits of Allah, then there is no blame upon either of them concerning that by which she ransoms herself. These are the limits of Allah, so do not transgress them. And whoever transgresses the limits of Allah – it is those who are the wrongdoers.” And I will say Q2 V229 applies to both men and women, and that’s why we see that Allah said “…there is no blame upon either of them concerning that by which she ransoms herself…”, and in application we see that some female companions had to do away with their dowry because of this.

So that Q2 V229 has a Rule and its Exception, its Exception should not be regarded as the Rule. And the rule in that verse is this; “…And it is not lawful for you to take anything of what you have given them unless…”, and this Rule is further buttressed in Q4 V20 and V21, only that here, when it comes to women initiating the divorce, returning the dowry can be raised as an option “…if you fear that they will not keep [within] the limits of Allah…”. Despite the husband being encouraged not to take anything back, Allah, in making Islam practical, still created that exception. In fact, one can even say it is Haram to take back what was given in dowry and beyond, because of the word ‘Halal’ that was used in Q2 V229. I mean, the covenant between God and the Prophets, if there’s anything above Haram, it should be it. It’s a Duty of utmost importance, one that the threat of death should not even make one not fulfill.

Now that we’ve gotten the Rule out of the way, Q2 V229 continues by saying “…unless both fear that they will not be able to keep [within] the limits of Allah. But if you fear that they will not keep [within] the limits of Allah, then there is no blame upon either of them concerning that by which she ransoms herself…” and this is where the story of Jamila and Thabit comes in, because this verse was revealed about the both of them.

In Bukhari 5273, Ibn ‘Abbas is reported to have said that, The wife of Thabit bin Qais came to the Prophet and said, “O Allah’s Apostle! I do not blame Thabit for defects in his character or his religion, but I, being a Muslim, akraH (dislike to behave) in Kufra fil islam (un-Islamic manner) (if I remain with him)…” another translator translated the phrase akraHul kufra fil Islam in softer terms where they translated it as “…but I cannot endure to live with him”, but another translator took a more stronger tone when they translated it to “…but I hate Kufr after becoming Muslim.”

But if we know anything about akraH with its root alphabets being kef, ra and Hao, we’ll know that its meaning is closer to being forced, compelled and being unwilling to do something than it is to endure or hate. Q2 V256 is a ready example of kiraHa at play, where Allah said “There shall be no IkraHa (compulsion) in the religion…” and there are tens of such usage in the Quran where the word was used to mean being forced, compelled, and the likes.

So, basically, Jamilah was saying ‘I don’t want to be forced into disbelief, because she actually also used the word kufr, because I fear that if I remain with him, I might do something that is un-islamic. Sister was boiling! 😡And you might say, didn’t she say she has no complaints about his character and his faith? The fact that she said that doesn’t mean she doesn’t have negative things to say, but that she’s not here to engage in that, or to defame him; but well, let’s hear from her brother. Brothers, right? 🥰

In An Nasa’i 3497, “Ar-Rubayy’ bint Mu’awwidh bin ‘Afra’ narrated that Thabit bin Qais bin Shammas hit his wife and broke her arm — her name was Jamilah bint ‘Abdullah bin Ubayy. Her brother came to the Messenger of Allah to complain about him…”

So, here is someone that her husband beats her so much that this time, he broke her arm, broke o, broke. Who knows if he broke something else in the past? 🤷🏿‍♂️

Anyway, back to Q2 V229, it starts with “Divorce is twice…”, and V230 continues with “And if he has divorced her [for the third time]…”; what that proves is that “…unless both fear that they will not be able to keep [within] the limits of Allah. But if you fear that they will not keep [within] the limits of Allah, then there is no blame upon either of them concerning that by which she ransoms herself…”; is an exception to the Rule, and it only applies if either or both parties are showing signs of destructive behaviors, then the exception may apply in which she gives up what was given. But the Rule still stands, “…do not take [back] from it anything. Would you take it in injustice and manifest sin? And how could you take it while you have gone in unto each other and they have taken from you a meethaqan galeez (solemn covenant)?”

It was this circumstance that the prophet pbuh was in when as the hadith continues, “On that Allah’s Apostle said (to her), “Will you give back the garden which your husband has given you (as Mahr)?” She said, “Yes.” Then the Prophet said to Thabit, “O Thabit! Accept your garden, and divorce her once.”” Because she had basically made a threat, and the prophet knowing Thabit who in another hadith was made to divorce another woman, figured either of them may not be able to “…keep [within] the limits of Allah…” as the Exception stated.

In Abi Dawud 2228, Aisha, mother of the believers, narrated that “Habibah daughter of Sahl was the wife of Thabit ibn Qays Shimmas. He beat her and broke some of her part…” and so she came seeking to divorce him.

This is not to defame the character of Thabit, because as we see in a hadith of Abu Hurayrah that’s contained in Tirmidhi 3795, the Prophet pbuh after praising Abu Bakr as an excellent man, mentioned six other names and referred to them as excellent men, and one of them was Thabit; “…what ni’ma rajul (an excellent man) is Thabit bin Qais bin Shammas…”; and in Bukhari 3613, Anas bin Malik is reported to have said that “…The Prophet said to him, “Go and say to Thabit: ‘You are not from the people of Fire, but from the people of Paradise.” So, who knows what was going on with Thabit at the time of these marriages? 🤷🏿‍♂️ I should also state that in Ibn Majah 2057, it was narrated from ‘Amr bin Shu’aib, from his father, that his grandfather said: “Habibah bint Sahl was married to Thabit bin Qais bin Shammas, who was an ugly man. She said: ‘O Messenger of Allah, (SAW) by Allah, were it not for fear of Allah when he enters upon me I would spit in his face.’ So, there’s that! 🙄 Despite there being no excuse for him hitting her, because the Prophet never hit any of his spouses, who knows what’s being said between the two of them behind closed doors. 🤷🏿‍♂️

Again, with Habibah, we see that the Exception “…unless both fear that they will not be able to keep [within] the limits of Allah. But if you fear that they will not keep [within] the limits of Allah, then there is no blame upon either of them concerning that by which she ransoms herself…”, also applies, BUT the Rule must not be forgotten. The fact that we are allowed to eat pig when in dire circumstances doesn’t mean that we can now eat it when the situation doesn’t call for it, does it? Again, exceptions are exceptions, and the general rules are the general rules. 👊🏿

Back to dowry, we see now that it was meant to be life changing, sustaining and enduring. Despite all these, Allah knows that there are some situations where a man may be financially poor and a woman is interested in him, should she ignore him even though she doesn’t mind that he is poor? Must she go and look for someone richer? To those, Allah said in Q24 V32 that, “And marry the unmarried among you and the righteous among your male slaves and female slaves. If they should be poor, Allah will enrich them from His bounty, and Allah is all-Encompassing and Knowing.”

V33 of Q24 continues the conversation about those that don’t have the means, that they should abstain from marriage, and it may be that they’d be able to afford to marry ‘people with special backgrounds’ because of their inability to pay qintor, but that they shouldn’t do that with the intention of turning them into prostitutes thereby becoming a pimp; Allah said, “But let them who find not [the means for marriage abstain [from sexual relations] until Allah enriches them from His bounty. And those who seek a contract for eventual emancipation] from among whom your right hands possess – then make a contract with them if you know there is within them goodness and give them from the wealth of Allah which He has given you. And do not compel your fatayatikum (slave girls) to prostitution, if they desire tahasun (chastity), to seek [thereby] the temporary interests of worldly life. And if someone should compel them, then indeed, Allah is [to them], after their compulsion, Forgiving and Merciful.”

Q4 V4 further states that the woman can decide how little she wants, thereby not make it exorbitant, “And give the women [upon marriage] their dowries graciously. But if they give up willingly to you anything of it, then take it in satisfaction and ease.” Q4 V24 however states that “…So for whatever you enjoy [of marriage] from them, give them their dowry as an obligation. And there is no blame upon you for what you mutually agree to beyond the obligation. Indeed, Allah is ever Knowing and Wise.” Thereby stating that one can even give beyond what had hitherto been agreed upon and stipulated.

As part of the doctrines that Allah wants us to imbibe when it comes to dowry in islam is the concept of taradoitum as seen in Q4 V24 where Allah said that “…And there is no blame upon you for what you taradoitum (mutually agree) to beyond the obligation…”, thereby stating that beyond the obligatory dowry agreement aka Prenup, that may or may not be written, depending on the jurisdiction or circumstances; it is fine if the husband wants to give more, and the word translated to ‘mutually agree’ is taradoitum.

The root alphabets of taradoitum are ra, dod and yao, and 11 forms of the word occurred 73 times in the Quran. Radoy means to accept, to agree, to consent, to be pleased, well pleased, content, contented, to be satisfied, approval, consent, contentment, acceptance, to be of one mind or opinion with someone; favour, grace.

So, for any man that intends to ‘spoil’ their wife beyond the agreed upon dowry, to the extent that she is pleased, contended, satisfied, and the likes, we see in this verse an opportunity to execute that need to give extra.

It’s interesting how today, in the west especially, people are comfortable with Engagement and Wedding Rings that are worth thousands of dollars, or even millions in some cases, but they think of dowry as archaic, barbaric, and primitive, they consider it to be tantamount to buying a wife, whereas, a lot of dowries being paid these days are way less than just their rings, their wedding dresses, and their lavish wedding parties. I see this hypocrisy as an attempt to throw out of the door what they are willing to accept through a diamond framed window. 🙄

In Islam, we see however that it mandates dowry in a way that makes sure that the woman never lacks if anything were to happen; with avenues for contractual type agreements where the terms can be stated, as we see in the case of Moses, and in some verses above that even encourage that they should be done in a ma’ruf manner; and as we know ma’ruf is that good that takes into account the particular likes of the other.

Now to the question of who this dowry contact should be made with, we find in Q4 V4 that Allah said, “And give the women [upon marriage] their [bridal] gifts graciously. But if they give up willingly to you anything of it, then take it in satisfaction and ease.”, we see expressly there that it should be with the wife. Q4 V24 also conveys the same position where it states that “…So for whatever you enjoy [of marriage] from them, give them their due compensation as an obligation. And there is no blame upon you for what you mutually agree to beyond the obligation…”.

However, Allah also recognizes that there might be times where the woman might not be financially savvy enough, educated enough in the affairs of her needs in the present economy, or the society might be one that oppresses women in a manner that makes sure that they are unable to truly express their needs and wants, or any other circumstances that may exist; so that the parent, parents, or family member or members may have to be the ones that negotiates on their behalf.

We see in Q2 V237 where Allah was talking about women that were divorced before being touched, but where one has already specified a dowry to, that one can, “…then [give] half of what you specified – unless they forego the right or THE ONE IN WHOSE HAND is the marriage contract foregoes it. And to forego it is nearer to righteousness…”.

A perfect example of this is found in the story of Moses as seen in Q28 V27 and V28 wherein Moses and his father-in-law agreed on 8 to 10 years of service in exchange for his daughter’s hand in marriage; “He said, “Indeed, I wish to wed you one of these, my two daughters, on [the condition] that you serve me for eight years; but if you complete ten, it will be [as a favor] from you. And I do not wish to put you in difficulty. You will find me, if Allah wills, from among the righteous.” [Moses] said, “That is [established] between me and you. Whichever of the two terms I complete – there is no injustice to me, and Allah, over what we say, is Witness.””

If we take a closer look at the society that this dowry deal was being made, from the little we know of it from the Quran, we’ll see that the men seem to be bullies, or for lack of a better expression, seem not to prioritize the right of women or justice. Q28 V23 states that “And when he came to the well of Madyan, he found there a crowd of people watering [their flocks], and he found aside from them two women driving back [their flocks]. He said, “What is your circumstance?” They said, “We do not water until the shepherds dispatch [their flocks]; and our father is an old man.”” So, Moses, being the strong man that he is, in V24 did the needful,“So he watered [their flocks] for them; then he went back to the shade and said, ‘My Lord, indeed I am, for whatever good You would send down to me, in need.’”

It is this act that got one of the sisters so lovestruck by him that on being sent to go get Moses, Allah recorded that her pace and gait was one of shyness, perhaps even blushing, V25 states that, “Then one of the two women came to him walking with shyness. She said, ‘Indeed, my father invites you that he may reward you for having watered for us.’…”. Did I mention that she also helped him get a job? V26 states that “One of the women said, “O my father, hire him. Indeed, the best one you can hire is the strong and the trustworthy.” It is with all of these cues and circumstances in hand that the father figured he’d be the one that negotiates the deal. If she’s already all red in the face and weak in the legs just to go and speak to him, she will definitely not be asking if he will be fine working for her family for the next 8 to 10 years, get it? 👍🏿

And of course, he is still a stranger, that fled his country after mistakenly killing a person, but a good stranger nonetheless, so, like any father would do, he stepped in, and made a deal that all the parties were pleased with, and she was fine with him representing her. In this case, it is the father, it could have very well been the mother had the father not been there, or even family member or members if both parents were dead or unreachable due to health issues or otherwise.

From it we derive that dowry need not be monetarily, but that it can be of service, it can be in installments, it can be one that lasts for years, and it can involve one’s spouse or in-law’s family business(es); it all depends on what has been agreed between the parties, and one has given one’s word on. In today’s world, it can even be a promise to support the wife’s bid to be educated, and to get a sustainable job through such education. Cue in whatever the parties agree to. 👍🏿

So, we see in the case of Moses that he was married to his wife whilst still paying his dowry, and he did that for 10 years, something we can also infer from Q2 V236 wherein Allah said, “There is no blame upon you if you divorce women you have not touched nor specified for them an obligation…”, because a divorce can only happen if a marriage already exists, right?

Thus, one can give or offer a dowry that will take years to accomplish, one need not be able to come up with the qintor right away. And this also opens up an opportunity for marriages that exists at the moment that no dowry was specified or given till date, both spouses can agree on what that should be now, even if they’ve been married for years. Q4 V24 also said, “…So for whatever you enjoy [of marriage] from them, give them their ujur (dowries), as an obligation…”.

Something else that we can derive from verse 236 above and its twin in V237 that states that, “And if you divorce them before you have touched them and you have already specified for them an obligation, then [give] half of what you specified – unless they forego the right…”, is what that means is if you have ‘touched’ them, aka had sex with them, then one will have to give them the full amount, and I think this should still apply even if one dies. So that one may be paying, serving or building something for one’s ex-wife even after a divorce or death has happened. If that doesn’t scream Alimony, I don’t know what will.

The key to the application of that verse rests in the prenup slash dowry agreement stage; a stage that the woman may not want to seem like a gold digger, hence the reason why a guardian of some sort can be brought in to negotiate terms that will have qintọr qualities. So that if the terms are not completed during the marriage, the courts, in any jurisdiction whatsoever, will have something to enjoin if and when litigation arises from it.

That’s especially true when we go back into the qualities of dowry in islam; by Allah calling it Fard thereby making it compulsory; by Allah calling it Soduqat, and now that we know the meaning of Sidq to mean not going back on one’s words; and by Allah calling it Ujur, for all that they’ve given one in the marriage; for all of that, one must execute the Qintar, installmentally, if need be, for as long as it takes. 🥰 👌🏿 Allah says in Q5 V1, “O you who have believed, fulfill [all] contracts…”, and in Q4 V33 Allah says, “…And to those whom your oaths have bound [to you] – give them their share. Indeed Allah is ever, over all things, a Witness.”

She can however give up this alimony if she wills since Allah stated in Q4 V4 “And give the women [upon marriage] their dowries graciously. But if they give up willingly to you anything of it, then take it in satisfaction and ease.”.

Hopefully, this has brought to fore how dowry can be a source of Alimony in Islam, may Allah ease all our affairs. Ameen.

The conversation continues in the next piece with ‘Divorce as a Means of Alimony in Islam’.